I expect to lose 20 friends before noon tomorrow

Burger King has unveiled the most awesome incentive to un-Facebook those kids you met at a music festival three years ago that have been stalking you from afar ever since.

It's called the Whopper Sacrifice application, and it's going to make you carefully consider if your online life is worth a couple dozen free burgers. All the application requires is that you pick ten of your Facebook friends and dump them in return for one free Whopper. Though unlike the normal ritual of booting someone from your online life, it notifies the people you remove that they've been traded for consumer goods. I figured I would stay one step ahead of the app.

So here's to you, those about to be sacrificed. Those random friends of my exes. Those hometown friends of friends. Those kids who went to my high school but were in my brother's class and I don't really know you but I guess you like to see my pictures. Those kids from my grade school classes who haven't seen me since I wore my hair spiky. And yes, even those employment recruiters who I friended just to see if I could find a job.

You've all brought me so much. Application invites, mostly. Some of you may have read my blog once or twice, in which case you're actually cooler than 70% of my close friends. But all&all this hasn't been a fulfilling relationship. So, I'm leaving you for processed flash-cooked meat and vegetable blend on a chewy wad of bread ass.

And to the Kyle Barnhart from Ottowa who got really high one night and decided to friend me: Don't worry, dude, we're friends until the end.

[Unfriend 10 People on Facebook, Get a Free Whopper | A Hamburger Today]