Your coffee is better than my coffee (REDUX)

On April 25th, a team of suited-up somebodies tore the plastic wrap off of Rice's newest structural question mark. The Brochstein Pavilion is a huge glass box full of chairs and plasma TV's (sort of like the Situation Room) nestled between the RMC-- Rice's tiny little collection of shops and eateries-- and Fondren Library. I suppose the idea behind this huge glass box was to provide students a place to work and eat at the same time; something more formal than the RMC but less formal than the Library. But like any good idea that Rice's administration has ever squatted out of its brain-thorax, the Pavilion has conjured a huge and stupid mess of problems and bitchy, clever blog posts all over the Internets.

Problems? Enter Dirk's Coffee. It's not really Dirk's Coffee, though. Dirk was an Avant-Garde douchebag who sold all of his coffee to THE MAN a couple of years ago in order to fund his blossoming crank lab. Actually Dirk's Coffee is a rebranding of Dietrich's Coffee, which itself is a brand owned by Starbucks Coffee. Regardless of who actually owns the coffee, there is a circular kiosk that sells coffee inside the Pavilion which is, essentially, owned and operated by Starbucks. This would perhaps be the coolest and most indie thing ever, if...

• Starbucks was still indie, which it hasn't been since last Tuesday.
• Starbucks was still cool, which... eh. Whatever. I listen to Arcade Fire.
  
• They actually sold the good products that you like about Starbucks, like the Green Tea Frappuccino. But they don't, because they're branded as Dietrich's/Dirk's.
• WE DIDN'T ALREADY HAVE A COFFEEHOUSE.

Ladies and gentlemen, that's right! Rice already operates a full-time, student-run coffeehouse in the RMC. It's aptly called Rice Coffeehouse because it is the coffeehouse at Rice. While this concept of Rice Coffeehouse selling coffee to Rice students sounds pretty straightforward, apparently someone in the Administration's chain of command figured that this complex concept just didn't add up. So now we have two coffeehouses: Rice Coffeehouse and Dirk's Coffee. They operate within about 50 yards of one other.

I'm not going to point any fingers... no, fuck that, I am going to point some fingers. I guess the first finger is a sweeping one that slices through the entire student body, including myself. Why the fuck didn't we make a bigger ruckus when this was first reported? I know my reaction was something along the lines of "That's so stupid that it'll never happen." But I guess it's been proven time and time again that trusting administrative offices to conform to the rules of logic is sort of like leaving your kids with a babysitter named Josef Fritzl.

The next finger is for President Leebron. Don't get me started on how he "didn't have anything to do with the decision." He's the fucking president of the university. His office knows (or should damn well know) about every business that operates on this campus. While he may not have been sitting in a black robe waving his pale hands over a crystal ball trying to figure out how to cut more student jobs from the campus, the fact that the plan made it from start to finish without his intervention speaks to his priorities: Satan > University > Alumni Donations > His Wife Ping > Students > His Children.

Campus media, I'm going to half-raise a finger at you. There should have been a massive Save Coffeehouse campaign spearheaded via the Thresher and the Rice Standard. It seems that rather than taking a proactive stance on the issue, both publications sat back and waited for the stories to make themselves. Rather than affecting the issue, they cashed in on it, so to speak.

So what else is wrong with bringing Dirk's Starbucks Coffee to the big glass box? Oh, oh! I know! Let me enumerate the ways...

• Dirk's brings nothing new to the table. No 24-hour food solution, no hot meals, no student jobs, and basically nothing that students wanted to fill that Pavilion.
• It's not a Waffle House.
• Rice Coffeehouse has no way whatsoever to compete with Dirk's. In less than a year's time, corporate backing from Seattle will prove Dirk to be the winner in the coming price war between the two establishments. And besides, do you think Leebron + Co. are going to piss money into Coffeehouse or Dirk's?
  
• Popular opinion suggest that it's not that good.
• Did I mention that closing CH kills dozens of student jobs in favor of three full-time Dirk's employees that don't even go to Rice?
• The other non-Rice operated establishments on campus-- 13th Street Bakery and the Rice Bookstore (O&O by Barnes and Noble)-- are rackets that specialize in high prices and shit-poor service. I guess the University Copy Center is alright but, fuck, I'm sure I could find a complaint if I had a need for it.

If you're at all interested in supporting the effort to push Dirk out and move CH (or some other student-run business) into the Pavilion, see the link below.

I Refuse to Buy Coffee from the Brochstein Pavilion (Facebook)

On Coffee

I've been a sort of coffee fiend for the past few days. Not that I'm a stranger to caffeine or anything-- I mean, you show me an EE major who's made it this far without the help of heavy stimulant use and I'll show you a failing liar. Here on campus, though, coffee isn't exactly as free and available as you'd think...

• Coffeehouse coffee costs too much for the flavor and benefit received. I guess it's because they insist on using "Free Trade" coffee that tastes like foot and is grown in the second world rather than third world. Besides, I've totally spent all my Tetra points on $6 smoothies and sexual favors from Joel Hernandez. Nothing like a Caribbean Way and a hummer to help me chug through some optics homework.
  
• Some department offices-- like the ECE Department office-- have a coffee machine or two adorning the halls. But not only do I avoid professor offices like the plague but the coffee that inhabits these particular pots looks like it was brewed during the Warren Commission hearings.
• There's always the serveries for early morning coffee but again, taste is an issue. And it's only served in the mornings. As if those weren't deterring factors, though, realize that unless you wake up at the asscrack of breakfast time you will NOT get any coffee. I have this sneaking suspicion that the big fat pot o' coffee sits out for no more than three seconds before some archaic dinosaur of an RA picks it up with both of his calloused hands, raises it three feet above his head, and pours the entire thing down his gullet. He then looks over at the kitchen staff with an evil glare and dares them to make more. Frightened and unmotivated by their wage, they just don't make any more coffee.

Obviously there must be a solution to this dilemma. After all, if Kyle can't get moderately priced and delicious coffee on demand at any hour... I shudder to think of how bad my grades would be. If only there was some small machine that could keep in my room along with a fresh supply of flavored beans and sugar...

Enter the BrewStation Deluxe 12-Cup Personal Coffee Maker.


My suitemate Sage has had this delicious, sub-$100 chunk of God's Glory for the entire year. Foolishly, though, I had been resorting to the channels above to get my shit amped. Now there is a better way.

I asked him the other day if he wouldn't mind me moving the coffee machine from his side of the suite to mine. He said it really wasn't a problem, seeing as the relic used to be tucked away behind a papasan and was next to impossible to use. It didn't have an outlet nearby. It was shamed. I brought it out into the open air of my common room and did it some well-deserved justice.

The other caffeine fiends of the APC have taken note to this new and convenient life dispenser. I can't walk three feet in any direction before Julie and Lea are latched onto my pale and embarrassingly out-of-shape calves, begging with the cold gaze of so many junkies for me to make one more pot o' java.

I guess the question now-- with me going off campus and all-- is if I'm willing to make the investment in the ULTIMATE coffee maker for my apartment. Should I get an espresso maker too? Should it be a dispenser or a classic pot-style machine? Should it have a cold brew option?

OMG LIVING ON MY OWN IS CRAZY BALLS.