Panama City Beach: A great place to live when I turn 28

I'm coming to realize that a town's worth depends heavily on its ability to provide me with every type of food, garment, man-made plastic object, and huffing aerosol I can conceive at all hours of any given day In Houston, for example, I might have the following conversation with my roommate, Louie:

Kyle: Hey, Louie, you wanna go get some Thai food, a codpiece, a few vintage Happy Meal Transformers, and some oven cleaner?
Louie: Well, it is only 3AM on Easter Sunday.
Kyle: Exactly.

I've been spoiled pretty good by Houston in this sense. Being home on break and sitting around until the asscrack of dawn on New Years Day with nothing to do but complain about the town in which I was raised, I also realize that Panama City is slowly growing into a town that I may--one day-- actually enjoy flying over.

New Attractions in PCB Since The Summer:

Target/Starbucks

This is the biggest thing to hit the beach since WCW Nitro visited back in 2001. Literally a mile from my house is a grand, brand-new Target outlet store with a nice little Starbucks nestled inside. Approximately half if not all of my graduating class is working there, as well as my brother's graduating class and the class between my brother's and mine. They've also got middle school kids scraping those quarter-sized black things off the sidewalk outside the store. Just another way to keep one step ahead of Wal-Mart, I guess.

Besides scooping up the youth of the city like some bizarre, red pied piper, Target also plays the role of "anchor business" for the developing retail outlet around it, known as Pier Park. I didn't come up with that phrase "anchor business,"by the way, but it's real real clever tagline for a bustling business in a coastal community. Apparently the Pier Park project is so ass-backwards and behind schedule, they're depending on a Target to attract businesses such as the Gap and Jimmy Buffet's Margaritaville. Hah... it's kind of like a big target.

I guess there's not a whole lot of remarkable information about the new Target besides the fact that it gives credibility to this dink-hole of a town. The Starbucks is nice and it affords all the mascara-donning emotrash that run the local high school to feel better about themselves when they want to go somewhere trendy for their lunch break. Thanks a lot, brain, for letting me ramble for three paragraphs before you realize there's actually nothing to talk about.

---

Okay well... let's pretend I didn't write any of that, except for the jokes you laughed out loud at. I know you did, too, because my heart skips a beat anytime anyone in the world finds something moderately funny about what I write..