The logistics of easy livin'

As many of you know, I'm heading back to Rice in less than two weeks. Yes, it's a land of cliche Asian girls and problem sets that border if not cross the definition of ridiculous-- it's hard and stressful at times. But I tend to remedy my stresses though a complex system of lies, enablers, substances, and prime time television shows. Crucial to this system is my choice of living arrangement and the people that I surround myself with. This year, I'm living in the section of my residence known as "the 90's" with fifteen of my friends from last year. All of us are former residents of Long Hall: the party hell that shifted the heads of every key administrator on campus. Basically, we're setting up the same shop in a different location.

In our effort to make this year as easy-going as possible, I have tried to arrange several projects to augment the 90's into a sort of debauched paradise. After all, with sixteen college-aged, hard-to-please hooligans living under the same roof, we've got to plan accordingly.

1. The Kegerator. My good buddy Russ has convinced me-- as well as anyone else willing to listen-- that our days of beer-filled mini fridges are over. As cliche as modifying a fridge to hold a keg of frothy brew really is, it makes practical sense. Buying a keg is cheaper and more efficient than buying 48 cans of beer. It allows us to make short runs once a week (your mileage may differ) rather than runs on a semi-daily basis. Makes sense to me.
2. The Jesus Ashtray. I think this makes sense, too.
3. Digital Cable. It's no secret that most of us living in the 90's are huge fans of TV. House, Nip/Tuck, and 24 are all staples of our brainless television diet. And you can't forget the HBO series, either, like Entourage and Sopranos. Or Weeds, on Showtime. And we like watching sports. This kind of demand for quality television requires the quality that only digital cable can provide to a...
4. Large HDTV. Look, okay. I know I may be going a little bit overboard with this whole TV thing. Realize that I have needs, though... needs that can be split financially with fifteen other people who have my same needs. I NEED TO SEE THINGS IN HIGH DEFINITION. Whether we end up buying or renting our big HDTV, I'm going to be reveling in the stubble on Dr. Greg House's face and the busting veins on Jack Bauer's temple.
5. Girls making out with other girls.

I have the biggest plans. 200% bigger than your plans.