Movin' and stressin'

To-do list--

• Pack shit. I'm in pretty good shit. Two or three boxes stored at the 'splade with my friends and two boxes back home with me.
• Write a big introspective post about life with my friends for the past two semesters.
• Keep blogging.
• Drive home.
• Finalize everything with my apt.

This is seriously all I have time for right now. I'll try to photoblog until I'm back in Panama City Beach. For everyone already back in FL, I'll see you Sunday/Monday.

Goodbye, Will Rice College 90's.

Standard Procedure: Things Get Graphic

I was frustrated. I knew there had to be a juicer scoop at the Rice Standard than the personal ads. I mean, this rag was low. They would publish just about anything to please their advertisers, I thought to myself as I kicked a soda can across the alleyway behind the Mudd building. It was dark with nothing but those god-awful sodium incandescents beating down from poles in the parking lot. I was thinking about what my next move would be. And suddenly it dawned on me-- personal ads are small time. If I could expose the sleazy companies that are really putting big bucks behind the Standard, I'd be a campus hero. Hell, maybe even a voting district hero. And maybe people would realize what I'd known all along.

Of course, the print ads that would be funding the next issue of the Standard would not be sitting on some broad's desk like the personal ads. This was going to take some serious social engineering beyond my scope. Luckily, that's why I have a roommate.

Louie was happy to oblige me in my quest to screw with the Standard. For two days I didn't see or hear from him. Then, on the third night, he burst into the room with his shirt in shreds and his face covered in ant bites. He was obviously very tired and somewhat drunk.

"Put these up, now!" he screamed under a hoarse voice, pushing a memory stick in my face. I snatched the item from his hands and slammed it into my laptop. Louie recoiled in the corner, crying by himself. Poor bastard would never be the same again. I shudder every time I think about what he must have done to get those ads for me.

So remember my roommate's sacrifice as you glance over today's feature...

The Rice Standard's Print Ads!

Libertarians? In MY vagina? It's more likely than you think.


Speaking of Fair Tax... Oh, wait, we weren't talking about the Fair Tax, were we?


Rogues do it from behind. Not that I would understand that joke or anything.


Campus apathy used to make me feel bad, but I just don't care anymore.


Probably a sign of the apocalypse. Or that God exists just to hate me.

How to lose friends and go to hell

Yes, that is wasabi paste. Ironically, it's placed right next to the fire extinguisher.

Rice has more magazines than Nobel Laureates

I was perusing Facebook earlier today when I noticed that in the past few hours, over a hundred students have joined a group in support of Open - Rices first literary sex magazine (Facebook members only, sorry) . For those who can't read it, let me just post the group's description in its entirety...

Open will represent the multitudes of Rice student’s perspectives about sex in addition to featuring informative articles, opinion essays, poems, fiction, photography, art, polls and interviews. The title Open conveys our goal of encouraging healthy dialogue and open-minded discussions about a topic that is too important and relevant to leave societal influence to pop culture and media alone. Open will fill the void and encourage students to learn from each other while stimulating the intellectually open environment that college is all about.

Join the group if you support Open!

For those of you who live in Fairmont, Washington and have no idea why this is strange, let me give you a little context. Rice University has more media outlets than it needs, including...

• The Rice Thresher: a student-run newspaper with interesting news
• The Rice Standard: an independent student magazine for pompous rich kids with better tastes in music than me, apparently.
  
• Rice News: a faculty newspaper with boring academic hullabaloo
• The Rice Review (aka R2): an annual literary magazine that hits you like Don DeLillo's cricket bat
• Other semi-annual publications that no one cares about.

I hate to rain on everyone's parade-- I really do-- but this is getting a little fucking ridiculous. It seems like if there's a group of ten people with similar interests these days, they have their own magazine. Today, Open. Tomorrow? THE RICE BOWL, for Rice's stoner population. Or maybe RICE MONSTER TRUCK QUARTERLY. And if you're going to argue that everyone cares about sex, I could just as easily draft up an issue of The Rice Ice Cream Review, because everyone loves to jam on some Ben and Jerry's. Sometimes it's better than sex.

It's fairly obvious why this is happening: People want to circumvent the editorial process. Maybe it's because they feel like the editors of the Thresher are closed-minded. Maybe it's because they feel more important than the editorial process. Or maybe, JUST MAYBE, they crave attention.

Here's an idea for the founding members of Open-- save yourself a couple grand and weeks worth of hard work and instead collaborate. Write for the Standard if you want to talk about something that the Thresher won't touch. They'll publish it. They love publishing shit like that. Or get a blog. Winners seem to have blogs.

I remember when the Thresher had a sex columnist. The founders of Open wouldn't remember this because it was last year and they're all ego eager freshmen. It ran for like two issues before interest dwindled to nil. News flash: No one wants to read about the great sex you're having with your boyfriend. Unless it's in Hustler Fantasies, in which case you're not exactly talking about Rice students anymore. Nor does anyone at this university care about sex tips. Either you're not having it because it's a personal (and moderately respectable, though not holier-than-thou) choice, or you're having as much as you care to have and you aren't going to take tips from someone else.

I shudder to think of how they're going to fill this publication, too. Unless it's less of a magazine and more of a folded 14" by 11" piece of paper. I mean, I actually know how they're going to do it because it's a student publication and it's going to be like a niche version of the Standard. They're going to get two students who consider themselves artists to fill about two pages with sexually-themed, "liberating" artwork. Then they're going to have at least two fiction stories about sex, editorial columns about sex, and then they'll publish the worst letters to the editor to refute dissenting opinions and glorify themselves. Maybe there will be funny cartoons on the back.

I'm not threatened by a magazine about sex, though I have a feeling that most (if any) protest to this up-and-coming publication will be from Rice's Christian/right-wing (same thing) population. Which is dumb. Someone could print a 30-page glossy about bestiality for all I care.

What I do care about is a flagrant misrepresentation of this campus's interests and students. The undergraduate population isn't begging for an entire magazine about sex. The public is going to interpret this as gross and unnecessary and it's going to reflect poorly on everyone. And all because a few people decided they want to express the sexuality that they've doubtlessly known for a few years of their life.

Like I said-- if you have something worthwhile to say about sex, hand it to the editor of the Thresher or the Standard. Don't just circumvent the process of editorial review because you think you're more important.

If you have to say something that no one cares about, write about it on your website.